After a certain point in the conversation, you’re going to need to get a girl’s number in order to build that bridge and get to the next level. This can be done in as early as one minute of a cold approach if you have your game together.
Ideally, you’re going to want at least five to twenty minutes to learn enough about the girl to consider whether she’s worth pursuing or not. This is only a general guideline to avoid getting a fake number, but depending on the situation, you might need to break this rule. Things might be going really well and you’ll want to keep going with it. Use your own judgment.
To get a girls number, timing is important. Ask for it too soon and girls might feel uncomfortable giving it out (or you might just get a fake number). Wait for too many days and girls might start to think of you as just a friend, or even worse, a guy who is afraid to go after what he wants.
So, when and how do you get a girls number?
Well, it goes without say that you FIRST need to build a certain level of attraction. She’s not going to give her number out to just anyone. How was your opener? Are you sporting your best gear? What about your body language? How does your voice sound? Do you feel confident? Relaxed? A little nervousness is fine, but try to keep it inside. What’s her body language telling you? Does she look interested in you or is she standing there with her arms crossed and eyes wandering.
Attraction can be built instantly by making a good first impression. But you’re going to want build some rapport with her as well. Attraction is not enough to get a girls number since she also needs to feel comfortable enough around you. So you want to build some rapport by finding commonalities. Ask her questions, open-ended questions are best but do NOT interrogate her. Try to put the spotlight on her more than yourself. Steer the conversation towards her interests, passions, etc.
After you feel like the conversation is going well, it’s time to get her number.
How To Get A Girls Number
Getting a girls number really is not that hard. It’s only hard if you think it is. The attraction and rapport building that comes before the number exchange really is the key here. HOW you ask is also important, but if there’s no attraction and rapport beforehand, you’re not going to get her real number no matter how you ask. Of course, there is a right way and a wrong way to get her number.
The most important thing that I can say about asking for her number is ASSUME SUCCESS. Never “ask” if you can have her phone number. If there is any doubt in your voice tone or if your questions ends on a rising tone (like the tone of “OK?”), She will hesitate. Girls know a predator when they see one and if you’re unsure of asking her for her number, she’s unsure of giving it to you.
Instead, your voice should sound authoritative, already expecting the “yes.” What I usually do is ask her for her number as I’m already programming her name into my cell phone. Basically, I will be asking her “What’s your number?” as I’m looking down at my cell already entering her name into my contacts. This makes her feel that you’re not a needy little boy who’s going to call her ten times every day.
Here’s another technique that works great. At some point in the conversation, preferably at a time when she’s laughing and enjoying herself, tell her “Hey, I gotta get going. I got some things I gotta take care of.” Then, just as I’m about to leave, I will turn to her and say “hey, do you have email?” Clearly, she has an email address so she will say “yes.” Then I would pull out a pen and piece of paper and say “Good. Write your email down here.” As she’s writing her email address, I nonchalantly say “you might as well put your phone number there too.”
This works for several reasons:
1) You’re not making a big deal out of the number exchange so she will not feel that her sense of freedom is threatened.
2) By ending the conversation first, you’re showing her that you are busy and have a life. If you built some attraction and rapport, ending the conversation first can be very powerful. Women, especially beautiful women, are not used to this. This helps reverse the gender roles and has the woman chasing you.
3) Telling her you “got some things to take care of” gives you a mysterious persona. This will make her more curious about you.
4) By asking her “Do you have email?” and by getting her to say “yes,” she is already unconsciously making a commitment to you to give you her email address, even though you did not directly ask for it. It’s a powerful little persuasion technique used in marketing.
On a side note, some guys feel more comfortable contacting a girl by email. Really, it’s up to you. The one thing I’d like to say about this is communicating by phone rather than email saves a lot of time and moves things forward so much faster. You can end up wasting a lot of time, emailing each other back and forth. Practice using your voice instead. In the long run, you will learn a lot more about communicating with women by practicing real life phone conversations. Save the emailing for the online dating sites, if possible.